Let’s Laugh at Spam

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I work at a law library and people email me reference questions about the law pretty regularly. On rare occasions I get people emailing me their ideas about the law. This past Friday I received one from someone by the name of sdsdfe dsdfewsf (typed entirely with the left hand, if you can believe it) urging me to “fix the legal system.” In the email, sdsdfe unfurls a lengthy and positively astonishing exegesis in which he or she argues that marriage is equivalent to slavery that the government’s control of marriage with marriage licenses and divorce courts should be interpreted as an “act of slavery.” Never mind that marriage is entered into freely by both parties and that the legal essence of the marriage partnership really only pertains to joint ownership of property and joint guardianship over children and that no real restrictions are placed on one’s personal volition or agency. But whatever. It’s an amusing misapplication of logic, and I shall quote it at length below. First, however, I must do my due diligence in pointing out that this message does appear elsewhere on the internet. Some parody news website called thespoof.com published a gag piece in which large portions of sdsdfe’s email are attributed to Justin Bieber. At first the writer splits up the text into quotes like a normal news story, but then, about half-way through he get’s lazy and just copy/pastes the remainder directly into the article. I guess this article’s “author” received the email too.

I looked into thespoof.com and it appears to be a lot of artless link bait generated by about 75 different writers, all of whom became staff writers by providing an email address, username and password. That’s right, the requirements to be a writer for Spoof are about as stringent as becoming a poster on reddit. It’s basically just a content-production scam masquerading as a humor site. This is almost like the automated language production one finds in spam (see Robot Poems) except that it’s made by human beings, at least ostensibly. As that little plagiarism move of sdsdfe’s email demonstrates, not everything here is original content. Still, there does seem to be some amount of curation that’s done because the collection of articles displayed on the home page is at least semi-coherent. It’s actually kind of an interesting exercise in search engine trolling. Associate celebrity names with random concepts and splashy keywords and just watch the organic search traffic roll in. A counter on the site displaying the number of live readers never drops below 150, so I guess they’re doing alright.

Anyway, without further ado…

PLEASE, YOU NEED TO FIX THE LEGAL SYSTEM FOR ALL THE PEOPLE IN OUR GREAT NATION.

s In the constitution it says that slavery will not be tolerated and yet marriage licenses and divorce courts commit the act of slavery when they impose their authority on the union of a man or woman yet the judiciary and the state don’t impose their authority on the union of free animals in the wild.

A man and a woman can unite and separate in any fashion they want and any person or government that stands in between that unity or separation is violating the constitution. A police officer can arrest someone for domestic violence, or for imposing their own form of slavery by not allowing someone to leave the union, but when it is of a consensual nature nobody can dictate what the couple does with each other. Marriage licenses and divorce courts are illegal and the state government needs to be held accountable for their gross violations of the constitution.

When the government gives rights and benefits to married couples and not to unmarried couples the congress is violating the 14th amendment: “nor deny to any person within its jurisdiction the equal protection of the laws.” Rights and benefits are being given to married couples while the constitution is being violated and the state is imposing slavery on men and women who are subjected to laws pertaining to marriage. If a person has to go to court to file for divorce that is a subjugation of a person’s will. If a person is offered a marriage license that is a subjugation of a person’s will because it puts the person under the condition of slavery by the state and the judiciary. If a person is offered a marriage license with the lure of benefits from the government that is double the subjugation of a person’s will because the state laws are used as a snare or trap to place the victim under the subjugation of the state, or under the condition of slavery.

Since the constitution is an active mandate, any spouse can invoke the Constitution at any moment and they don’t have to appear in court for any divorce proceedings and the case would be considered frozen which means no judgment can be given unless the spouse decides to show up in court. The spouse might not show up in court for 100 years and the case would remain frozen without judgment for 100 years. No judgment can be given because the divorce court is in violation of the constitution and it’s considered an illegal court.

They have medical specialist that give people marriage counseling, the courts should deal with law.

The constitution doesn’t authorize marriage licenses, marriage laws, and divorce courts. The constitution does condemn the subjugation of male and female couples through the use of marriage licenses, marriage laws, and divorce courts, because it’s against Amendment XIII, section 1 of the constitution.

Unmarried couples are free from the subjugation and so should other couples be free as well. When the union is of a consensual nature nobody can dictate what the couple can do with each other. Marriage licenses, marriage laws, and divorce courts are illegal and the state government needs to be held accountable for their gross violations of the constitution.

The violation of slavery is even more serious when the courts use the police and the jail system to enforce their illegal marriage laws.

Men and women can engage in any type of marriage they want with conditions set on a paper, but that paper cannot be used in court to separate the couple or to keep the couple together. The courts could solve issues of child custody and financial responsibilities over biological children. The courts could solve issues over personal and real property or joint partnerships in a business, but those issues can not be attached to marriage or unions because it would violate the constitution. In the future, several thousand years from now, this is how these issues will be resolved because it is logical.

Concerning immigration, the department of immigration can protect themselves from illegal immigration by having papers filed to show a union between a person and their foreign spouse. If there is a separation of the union within two years then the foreign spouse would lose their legal immigration status and they would have to return to their country of origin. A person and their foreign spouse would be allowed to unite and separate without restrictions but under the rules of the department of immigration. The purpose of the union is to raise a family and anything out of that purpose would be illegal. There is no slavery because people can unite and separate at will and they would return to their original state before the union.

AMENDMENT XIII

SECTION 1.

Neither slavery nor involuntary servitude, except as a punishment for crime whereof the party shall have been duly convicted, shall exist within the United States, or any place subject to their jurisdiction.

SECTION 2.

Congress shall have power to enforce this article by appropriate legislation.

Slav – er – ry: The condition of being subject or addicted to a specified influence.

AMENDMENT XIV

SECTION 1.

All persons born or naturalized in the United States, and subject to the jurisdiction thereof, are citizens of the United States and of the state wherein they reside. No state shall make or enforce any law which shall abridge the privileges or immunities of citizens of the United States; nor shall any state deprive any person of life, liberty, or property, without due process of law; nor deny to any person within its jurisdiction the equal protection of the laws.

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